Why Am I the Last to Know About Me?
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| Elizabeth and Orysia |
Why am I the last to know about me?” - the poignant question voiced by Orysia, a dear friend and kindred spirit, who is now living wth dementia.
I don’t know if this is the best place to start the story, yet it seems to be a good place to start.
Orysia is the first child born to immigrant Ukrainian parents who settled in Northern Ontario. An adopted Islander, (PEI) Orysia is a woman of many talents. Internationally known Akbash and Havanese dog breeder. Shetland sheep farmer. Scientist. Writer of both long and short fiction. Author of an award-winning book on livestock protection dogs. Writer in residence at the University of Tasmania. Traveller. Sister. Aunt. Cousin. And fun loving generous friend.
Once upon a time, we worked and played together. We played endless pranks on colleagues and friends, watched the sunrise over the Grand Canyon and enjoyed many beach walks while sharing our lives.
Orysia was a rock as my first marriage crumbled and stood by my side when David and I were married.
This year she left behind her home with all her stuff, apart from a few special things, and moved into long term care. What remains is like the spring nest in the leafless scrub near our front door. All is revealed. The good days and the bad days.
Orysia now has 24 hour care. She eats communally. She exercises. She takes part in group activities.
It was a good day when we got together this past summer.
I’ve always know Orysia as a woman with lots of bling. Her earring collection would outdo Imelda Marcos’ shoe collection! (now that dates me) So it was a surprise to see my friend without earrings, rings or necklaces.
“I gave them all away,” she said. “I couldn’t handle them anymore so I gave them to other women who would enjoy them. I’m happy to give it away. I saw joy in seeing younger women enjoy it all.”
She is incredible. On this good day, she was amazingly grateful, with no sign of resentment nor despair, while living with grace and good humour.
At a support group she heard the hard news of how bad things may get. Putting things in perspective, she commented, “We’re all going to die. I knew things would change. Still it is not good.”
Even as Orysia acknowledged her need for care, it was a hard journey to take. Confusion is often her companion.
“Why does everyone know about me - but me? Why am I the last one to known about me?” she pondered aloud, with a haunting giggle.
Such is her reality as plans for her future unfold. On a good day, she gets it. “I have a wonderful group of people around me. Sometimes I want to wring their necks… they have my best interest in mind.”
Today Orysia is settled into her new home. Talking about other residents, Orysia, now says, “I’m one of them. I’m right in the middle of it. I’m not looking ahead at all… none of us know.”
And so it goes - back and forth - from understanding and accepting her new reality to wondering what the hell is going on!
Like Lisa Genoa’s novel Still Alice, did wonders to help destigmatize Alzheimers, Orysia’s willingness to talk about this foreign land helps to demystify dementia. And at the end of the day, Orysia is still Orysia.
That’s the Orysia I’m grateful to know and love.
Love to you and yours if someone in your circle is walking a similar path.
In Peace, Elizabeth
P.S. Orysia gave me permission to tell a wee bit of her story. Saying, “If it helps someone else… Do it.”
That is so touching, Elizabeth. She sounds like a wonderful friend. I pray she continues her journey with the grace and dignity that she has and that she has shared with others. A true friend indeed. 💖
ReplyDeleteMy sister Annette would be 74 today. She died 12 years ago. She had Lewy body dementia in the last years of her life. Thank you for sharing Orysia's story today. ❤️ Claudette
ReplyDeleteGreat read Elizabeth about your dear friend, took me back to my dad's last days, it's a terrible disease for sure. Margaret ❤️
ReplyDeleteI you and Orysia have enabled me to recall the journey I’m living as a dear friend, younger in age than me is living with Alzheimer’s and on a good day we have such joy. And she lives what brings joy and that’s her buddies!💕✨Mary Beth
ReplyDeleteOh Elizabeth I had no idea Orysia was going through this.My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great look into this brave Ladies life as it is now.
ReplyDeleteOh, Elizabeth, THANK YOU for this glimpse of our beloved friend! I so wanted to see her last summer, but it just didn’t happen. I’ll treasure this picture of both of you.
ReplyDeleteAll my love for the good times we shared together.
Georgia
Like so many, I too have a dear friend who is now in nursing care and no longer knows me, though sometimes you think there might be a glimmer of recognition. It is a sad journey for everyone, family, friends and of course the loved one trying to figure it out. All we can do is celebrate the great memories and be there for them.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elizabeth. I do have a good friend who is going through this. She is still at home with her husband, but is aware of her condition and she makes a list every morning of things she will do. Her husband is the most loving, caring and patient man in the world I think. I pray for them both as her condition worsens.
ReplyDeleteThank you to Orysia and you for sharing your story. Travelling this path with such grace is an inspiration one can take forward to the challenges we face as we age
ReplyDeleteHope
Such a wonderful story about you and your friend, brought back so many fond thoughts of my friend who passed 2 years ago. I saw her 5 months before she died ( she, from Mass, USA,) a beautiful day we spent together, but the sad part was, I really
ReplyDeletedon't think she knew me, but we were very happy just seeing one another. Since my husband is now in a nursing home, I see and deal with dementia constantly. A sad, helpless journey for the Residents.